SPICY NUGGET... For even an abuser is 'abused' when his/her abuse is allowed to continue.

One of the ways to measure our self worth (how we value ourselves) can be in the way we treat others and how we allow others treat us. If we are respectful of ourselves, we will treat others with respect and expect that we be treated likewise. Some may argue that it is not possible to determine or control how others treat us and for the sake of said argument... that maybe true if for some misguided reason you deem yourself unworthy. But let me emphatically reiterate that that cannot be said to be true as there is no one unworthy or without worth. We are all deserving to be treated respectfully and with decency.The difference or determinant is in what we accept or allow.


When you show yourself not accepting of behaviours and treatment that undermine your standards and self worth, ultimately others will treat you as expected. In the same way, if you are seen to be accepting of any and all forms of behaviours or treatment directed towards you, then you are sending out the message that you don't hold much value or standards for yourself and others will most likely treat you with the same attitude.

Taking my thoughts forward, if you find yourself in an abusive relationship/situation and you look to what is best for you in these situations where you are being abused, at the very least what you can do will be to stop or seek to stop the abuse. In the course of my interactions with others, I have heard people give different explanations as to why they have allowed themselves to be caught up in an abusive situation or relationship. 

In all of the explanations given, one 'revelation' I have realised is that in becoming or playing the victim, you have also chosen the role of an enabler, a fodder that feeds a negative situation. Staying in or allowing an abusive situation to continue is not good for both you and the abuser. For even an abuser is 'abused' when his/her abuse is allowed to continue. 

Without being esoteric, when an abuser finds that his abuse is not acceptable, he/she would at least learn that their actions are unacceptable and unwanted. But if the abuser finds that his abuse is accepted, what has he been allowed to discover or learn? 

Treating others with love does not necessarily mean allowing others do as they wish. This is not to suggest that if you are being hurt you have to hurt back. What this simply means is that to allow another to consistently inflict damage on you is not the most loving thing to do for yourself and the other (the abuser/offender) 

What you do for yourself you do for another. What you do for another you do for yourself. Consequently what you allow comes to you and what you give, you allow to yourself. For one does not exist without the other. 


 

SPICY - Speak. Positively. to Inspire. and Cause. to Yield!

Speak - Create - Believe - Become

Positive words of affirmation are a fantastic way to keep one energized, focused and confident. Imagine waking up each morning, bursting with excitement, energy, thankfulness and joy for the new day! It is that powerful.

Your words of affirmation are YOUR description of who you are, what you want/to become. Affirmations are your aspirations, desires and dreams.

Affirmation - the assertion that something exists or is true; a statement or proposition that is declared to be true.

Affirmations help you develop a positive mental state of mind. Professionals and business people the world over are known to use these techniques to develop personal power or gain a competitive edge and on a personal level positive words of affirmation can transform your life, your health and renew your joy and passion for life. Developing a positive mindset is a powerful life strategy.

As a Life Coach I have seen and experienced how empowering saying your positive words of affirmation everyday can be. It’s a 'tool' by which you can create the atmosphere and life you desire.

A way to call forth “those things that appear as though they're not till they become”; a declaration of faith and belief.

Positive affirmations can manifest your dreams, re-programme your thinking, help you let go of the negative patterns that work against you and adopt powerful success techniques to achieve you what you want.

Positive affirmations (words) and positive thinking (thoughts) techniques can help you develop a powerful and positive attitude to life. With these tools you can turn failure around into success and take success to outstanding possibilities. Your positive attitude is the fuel for your success.

What we believe about ourselves and life become true for us.

If we expect and believe that life is a struggle for us and that people treat us badly then that is what our experience will be. Likewise if we love ourselves and believe that we deserve all good in our lives and have a right to loving healthy relationships that is what we will experience. Our beliefs define our reality.

When you daily say your affirmation they keep you in mind of who you are, what your life goals are, your desires, where you are headed and why. They guide you. They keep you reminded of the things you desire. Positive words of affirmation increase your belief; they make you open to receive as you believe.

Affirmations when applied as a life tool are powerful enough to bring your desires to reality.

I AM SPICY - I Speak. Positively. to Inspire. and Cause. to Yield!

Personal Development

There are a few truths to living a happy successful life and one of such truth is the realization that - IT IS NOT DIFFICULT TO GET BETTER OR TO MAKE A CHANGE. To be that which is desirous; an improved version of YOU!

Everyday and ever so often, technology discovers new ways to improve itself. Our smartphones get smarter, our TVs, automobiles (cars) and gadgets get more interactive etc. Whenever this happens, there is a worldwide scramble to acquire and own these smarter technologies. They become more attractive and very desirous with every announced improvement. Everyone wants to test, explore or own one. They get talked about, written about, sought after, admired, loved and handled with the most care etc. These technologies; simple machines and gadgets fashioned by man and improved to such standards that they daily ‘live’ a quality of life most people can only dream of. Now this I found interesting and brings me to thinking :) 

Everyone desires to live a better life BUT not everyone who has expressed this desire realize that to live a better quality of life, a better you is required - A mandatory and conscious investment in Personal Development or growth.

“Everybody wants to be somebody nobody wants to grow”- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

If you don’t invest to improve yourself as an individual, chances are you won’t be liked much by many. If you don’t invest to improve yourself at your job, chances are you will get passed over often for promotions. If you don’t invest to develop your gifts and talents, chances are you won’t achieve success. If you don’t invest to improve your skills in life, chances are you will be dissatisfied with life.

Personal development is not about grooming or physical hygiene neither is it about designer labels or expensive lifestyles. Personal Development is a growth from within. It is about self discovery; knowing and creating who you are or who you want to be.

“Know thyself means this, that you get acquainted with what you know and what you can do” - Menander

“Personal Development includes activities that improve awareness and identity, develop talents and potential, build human capital and facilitate employability, enhance quality of life and contribute to the realization of dreams and aspirations” - Wikipedia

At the level of the individual, Personal Development includes the following activities:

Improving self-awareness

Improving self-knowledge

Building or renewing identity

Developing strengths or talents

Improving wealth

Spiritual development

Identifying or improving potential

Building employability or human capital

Enhancing lifestyle or the quality of life

Improving health

Fulfilling aspirations

Initiating a life enterprise or personal autonomy

Defining and executing personal development plans

Improving social abilities

Much like our smarter technologies, it is imperative to constantly look for ways to improve oneself. If you are not living the life you want, if you are not getting ahead at work, if you are not getting the results you want from your relationships etc it would follow that you are most likely not doing the things you should and need to do.

Scientists and technologists spend hours, days, weeks, months and years looking for ways to improve science and technology for solution, effectiveness and efficiency. Translate that to an individual who is highly invested in Personal Development. He/She constantly evolves to become an attractive entity, firmly equipped to create and live a desirous and fulfilling quality of life. They are individuals ahead of the pack; the high achievers, the confident personalities, in touch with humanity, successful and living the great life!

Personal Development starts with a decision and a conscious commitment to growth. To be and realize the best that you can be at all times and to experience the best life possible for you.

SPICY Chrysalis - Speak. Positively. to Inspire. and Cause. to Yield! 

Love is Tough - A passionate reminder...

There is an explosion of sexual recklessness today. Is anyone teaching our adolescents sexual restraint? Or have we just sat back and let uncontrolled demons out and about? 

When our teenage sons cannot find their female peers to express their sexual desires with, desires picked up from TV, internet, unrestricted magazines etc. (because their female age mates are now more interested in older men than boys their age), what do they do? They turn to younger babies to satisfy their wanton desires; our innocent and precious 2 to 8 year olds who are too young and too weak to resist or snub them. 

Are things falling apart? YES they are. We need to halt, step back and assess things oh! It is not enough to say you are raising your own kids well. Well raised kids will go out to the wider society and meet with kids that were not raised well or not raised at all. We are heading for trouble. 

Parents, we need help. Allow teachers, allow other parents, allow the community to help you raise your children. It was so in the past when my mother could depend on a friend's mother to pull my ears and send me back home if I was inappropriately dressed or, reprimand me if I exhibited bad behaviour in public. Not so now. It's the kids raising the parents today. Teaching them the ''in-thing'', and parents who are supposed to know better, falling for the ''in-thing''. What is this ''in-thing''? Since when did the in-thing raise a complete and balanced individual?

Do you realise that a teenage girl who is dressed provocatively might be the reason why a teenage boy somewhere is struggling with his own body reactions? And when he does not know what to do with his desires, he finds something or somebody to make it go away? Because ultimately what he needs is a source for sexual gratification? 

We need to stop whispering these things and begin to take personal responsibility for these children. We need to go back to participatory community development. We need to save our youth, and we need to save the future because that's where our children will be when we are gone. Ultimately, every parent's desire whether they realise it or not, is to raise children who will cope and survive this world when dad and mum are not there to make it easy for them. 

Now, step back and assess: If you are not there, will your children make it good? Arm these kids with what is necessary for survival. First, God's word. A firm introduction to that ONE standard which if they follow, will never fail them. It is the compass they need. And then follow with strict parenting. We are taking too many things for granted, and we will pay dearly for it. 

Don't turn a blind eye to what your kids are getting up to. You are a parent!!!!! Love is tough!

Written by Kandibe 

A Personal Note!

O! Lord, thou art my God; I will exalt thee. I will praise thy name; for thou hast done wonderful things; thy counsels of old are faithfulness and truth -  Isaiah 25:1

I have been doing a bit of soul searching recently... A personal journey of awareness and I have discovered a couple of reaffirmation. A personal journey of  TRUTH; a reassurance and a gathering of knowledge.

I believe and I declare that God brought me to this point of happiness, contentment, self acceptance, self awareness and understanding to show and convince me of his unconditional and unreserved love for me.

God loves me! A simple fact that broach no argument or debate. Its that simple. I AM THE BELOVED OF THE FATHER! This understanding and knowledge of his love assures my belief (confidence) in myself that I am worthy to receive and live the reality of my soul desires - He has prepared a feast before me. Wow!

He infuses me with happiness to show the love that manifests my desires (prayers). This experiential knowledge (the happiness, peace, joy) that God loves me is the confidence (faith) that assures me of the answers to my prayers.

He commands the universe to lay it at my feet!

"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom" 


SPICY Chrysalis - Speak. Positively. to Inspire. and Cause. to Yield!