Heard this discussion on TV thanks to Miss Winfrey on why or was it how we should teach our thirteen year old girls to sexually pleasure themselves, own their bodies, and the use of vibrators. The idea of the topic shocked all of my sensibilities and immediately took me thinking back to my pre- teen and teenage years and for the life of me I couldn’t recall having a body much less ‘owning’ one. Specific people 'owned' my body leaving me with the functional task of seeing to its daily needs, keeping it clean, covered, fed and rested. My mother primarily owned my body, it was hers to protect, discipline, nurture and love, my brother by virtue of being older owned my body to bully (his exclusive right) and protect from external bullies, my teachers owned my body to teach and discipline within the structure of education. At thirteen my body was a vessel that took me from one stage of life to the next. Things happened to it that I was made to understand purely for knowledge, explaining my right of passage into womanhood.
The importance and need for sex education for young girls I cannot over emphasise but to encourage practical experiences at that age is overboard to my understanding. How is it ever okay to encourage our pre-teen and teenage girls to pleasure themselves and ‘own’ their bodies and then further extend it as a plus, so they are made aware not to have to rely on boys for their sexual experiences? What business does a 9year old, a 13yr old and even older have with sexual experiences, sexual pleasures and vibrators? Isn’t everything totally wrong with that picture? By this practise what will we be saying, what are we promoting? In the myriad onslaught of undesirable options, I’ll highlight one. That the natural processes of man and woman be scraped and men (our young boys) become mere tools in the scheme of life. I can veer off and for a few laughs kid about the many turmoil and challenges men have been said to bring to bear on us women and the probable world of utopia the very idea conceives. But this is a rather serious concept that I will not give in to the urge. I shudder and weep for the generation we are parenting.
Where has the age of innocence gone? What has happened to actively engaging our children in things that build mind and character without this excessive over exposure on sex and matters relating to it! Still thinking on my experiences as a pre - teen and teenager, my days went in a twirl and whirl of childhood activities that there was no room for me to conceive the thought or concept of ‘owning’ a body even if I wanted to. I recall my body been involved in various activities at home, school and church that kept it duly occupied and tired by the end of the day. What happened to the days of school games, match past, friendly street tournaments, girls guide, boys scout, girls brigade, boys brigade, local games; oga’a or ten ten and hop scotch (su’wey in local lingo)
How can we balance the world we know now and the idyllic world we once knew? How can we slow down this fast pace of growing up and allow our children to experience the joys and build the memories that only childhood can bring? What mysteries will we preserve and protect so our children can explore as they come of age? What values will we imbibe and encourage for the sake of our linage? How long will we allow the dictates of external influences rob us of the values and ideals that are intrinsically ours?
The next generation is given to us to mould and shape, a challenge not to be taken lightly. Therefore there is a need for us to regroup and start thinking responsibly as ‘parents’ within a complex world.
SPICY Chrysalis - Speak. Positively. to Inspire. and Cause. to Yield!
June 2012
Tuesday, 4 September 2012
KNOWING!
A discerning man desires
And is drawn to a confident woman
But looks with disdain on a desperate one
At best he goes after her
To pander to his baser needs - typical male!
When a woman's actions become desperate
She loses worth in the eyes of her man.
He may keep her around to serve a 'purpose'
But in his eyes, she has gone down a whole lot of notches
And where he finds a standard of confidence to compare... she's toast!
Desperation makes a woman go after a man
Employing all kinds of guise to
Catch, keep, or win his attention
But confidence makes her sit back
And let him come to her.
Seeking to know what a man is up to
Snooping through his privates
Depicts a low sense of self worth
That great make up, fashionable clothes,
Designer bags and trendy shoes cannot hide.
A confident woman does not seek
To bring down another,
Neither does she resort to under hand methods
To get in the know, make a point, bluster her ego
Or confront her issues.
A good dose of self worth and confidence
Comes from within.
It is born out of a knowing,
An acceptance and understanding of one's self!
A confident woman picks her fights
With knowledge and handles her issues with dignity.
Having done both she re-instates herself
Or makes an exit.
Either ways with shoulders high.
A PHENOMENAL WOMAN!
SPICY Chrysalis - Speak. Positively. to Inspire. and Cause. to Yield!
Feb 2012
And is drawn to a confident woman
But looks with disdain on a desperate one
At best he goes after her
To pander to his baser needs - typical male!
When a woman's actions become desperate
She loses worth in the eyes of her man.
He may keep her around to serve a 'purpose'
But in his eyes, she has gone down a whole lot of notches
And where he finds a standard of confidence to compare... she's toast!
Desperation makes a woman go after a man
Employing all kinds of guise to
Catch, keep, or win his attention
But confidence makes her sit back
And let him come to her.
Seeking to know what a man is up to
Snooping through his privates
Depicts a low sense of self worth
That great make up, fashionable clothes,
Designer bags and trendy shoes cannot hide.
A confident woman does not seek
To bring down another,
Neither does she resort to under hand methods
To get in the know, make a point, bluster her ego
Or confront her issues.
A good dose of self worth and confidence
Comes from within.
It is born out of a knowing,
An acceptance and understanding of one's self!
A confident woman picks her fights
With knowledge and handles her issues with dignity.
Having done both she re-instates herself
Or makes an exit.
Either ways with shoulders high.
A PHENOMENAL WOMAN!
SPICY Chrysalis - Speak. Positively. to Inspire. and Cause. to Yield!
Feb 2012
Dying For Nigeria - 9 Effective ways to die!
I have been pondering on the question ‘Who is willing to die for Nigeria?’ since it was posed as a solution to getting Nigeria back on track in a recent discussion. Like the lady summed it up, “unless someone is ready to die for this country, nothing will change”. My initial reaction was to raise the usual arguments that ask “Why who? Why not you?” but somehow a different scenario flashed in my head that got me thinking. So moving away from the obvious argument why should we expect someone or a group of people to exclusively sacrifice to get Nigeria moving forward. My thoughts took on the path to question, must dying for Nigeria be in the physical lifeless death of the body? In my opinion, I think not! We have lost too many lives in this nation to demand or expect that unless ‘someone dies’ for Nigeria we cannot move forward. But I agree that unless we are willing to die for Nigeria, lives will continue to be demanded and wasted.
As much as we are want not to explore the concept of death or dying, events around us are daily being punctuated by death, evidence of death, news of death and rumours of death. Every day, Nigerians continue to give up their lives in diverse violent manners highlighting the collapse and decay in our Nation. With the countless heart wrenching pointless deaths being recorded every day, I found myself exploring the concept “dying for Nigeria” as a solution.
History the world over is filled with accounts and legends of men and women who ‘laid down’ their lives for their country. Not all of them died in the physical sense of the word but it is important to note that they all died in some form or the other; some died to self or died to sacrifice while others died in dedication of themselves, their resources and time for their country etc. So instead of looking from the limiting view (physical death) I began to explore the ways we can choose to die and commit to doing so willingly.
DIE... To Self
Dying to self is one sure way to commit to dying effectively. What this means is putting the needs of Nigeria before our own personal gains. Always looking at the bigger picture and asking how our decisions, actions etc will affect the total wellbeing of the Nation. In carrying out our duties or going about our daily lives, we must put away the self centred attitude of thinking how this or that will affect us or whether it will pay us. When we learn not to consult our own ease, comfort, advantage or interest for the greater good of Nigeria, then are we ready to move this Nation forward.
DIE... An Example
Set yourself an example of the change you want to see. Remember, you don’t need a title to lead or become a leader. Leadership is the ability to accept responsibility to bring about a desired change or result. Lead and be seen to exemplify by your actions the way things should be done or the proper way to act. Become accountable by your actions, decisions and attitude. Die an example at work, on the road, in your interaction with others. Die an example for a better Nigeria.
DIE... To Serve
How can you effectively serve Nigeria?
What sector of the economy can you dedicate yourself in good service?
Teach and organise workshops to help improve our diverse sectors
Join or set up a targeted pressure/ interest group to monitor/observe within any sector.
DIE... In Accountability
There is a need to imbibe the mindset of accountability. We must determine to do things at the right time and in the right ways. In our various areas, we must showcase and expect from ourselves the character to be found accountable. Accountability is not a negative quality. An accountable individual is a person of sterling quality, a trustworthy individual. It is more beneficial to die in accountability than to pass on or conceal a fault.
DIE... In Obedience
We are a nation governed by rules and regulations. We must die in obedience upholding our constitution. When we don’t obey the basic laws and rules within our society, we create a chaotic environment for ourselves. Obey traffic rules. Queues are for order; they help get things done quickly. Quit the ‘do you know who I am’ attitude, whoever you are doesn’t exempt you from obedience. Do you demand obedience and respect from others? Then challenge yourself in obedience and respect for your country. Die in obedience to the rule of law.
DIE... To Sacrifice
Where can you help?
Who can you help?
Can you identify a need you can sacrifice to meet outside of yourself?
Can you help a family send a child to school? Or feed for a month?
How about putting the cost of yet another leisure trip towards empowering someone else?
Instead of buying that designer item in what ways can you put the money towards making a difference to someone’s life?
Who can your resources help?
DIE... To Solution
What needs to be done?
What problems can you solve?
Where can you lend your expertise?
Do you know someone who can be a solution and needs a door you can open?
Do you have the resources to help bring about a solution or solutions?
Become known as an effective solution for change.
DIE... Vocal
Dying vocal calls on us to speak up! To use our voices and make them heard. Technology has armed us with effective tools of communication. What is the point of a “Blackberry” broadcast coming a day later than it should have gone viral? Why do we keep quiet when we see things going wrong only to cry and moan when we experience the devastating effect of turning a blind eye? What difference it will make if people who see evil learn to speak up against it. Speak up! Send out a broadcast, tweet, tell someone, don’t keep quiet it can come back to bite you in the face. Die vocal based on truth!
DIE... Efficient
We must begin to inculcate the spirit of excellence in whatever we do. In our places of work as we carry out our duties, we should strive to die in the place of efficiency. How can you improve your influence areas? In what better ways can you work? Stop cutting corners; it takes away our right to die willingly. Use the right tools; don’t compromise on quality, keep to approved standards. Apply all checks; nothing should be left to chance. Inefficiency is a destructive attitude that erodes the life line of our Nation.
When we choose to die to self,
We take on the power to live against Corruption
When we choose to die an example,
We take on the power to live with Dignity
When we choose to die to serve,
We take on the power to live in Excellence
When we choose to die in accountability
We take on the power to live for Posterity
When we choose to die in obedience,
We take on the power to live for Greatness
When we choose to die to sacrifice,
We take on the power to live against Greed
When we choose to die to solution,
We take on the power to live in Prosperity
When we choose to die vocal,
We take on the power to live against Oppression
When we choose to die efficient,
We take on the power to live in Progress.
We are at a crucial stage in our nation where “dying to save Nigeria” should be the norm, embraced with understanding and commitment, not a concept to be feared, viewed with contempt or treated with cynicism.
When we demand of ourselves to die willingly,
We take on our powers to live as citizens of a great Nation.
In Memory of Adobi Thelma Mojekwu (46), Ijeoma Onyiuke (39) and the countless lives needlessly lost as our Nation groans for our manifestation!
Rest In Peace... your memories hold us accountable.
SPICY Chrysalis - Speak. Positively. to Inspire. and Cause. to Yield!
June 6th 2012
As much as we are want not to explore the concept of death or dying, events around us are daily being punctuated by death, evidence of death, news of death and rumours of death. Every day, Nigerians continue to give up their lives in diverse violent manners highlighting the collapse and decay in our Nation. With the countless heart wrenching pointless deaths being recorded every day, I found myself exploring the concept “dying for Nigeria” as a solution.
History the world over is filled with accounts and legends of men and women who ‘laid down’ their lives for their country. Not all of them died in the physical sense of the word but it is important to note that they all died in some form or the other; some died to self or died to sacrifice while others died in dedication of themselves, their resources and time for their country etc. So instead of looking from the limiting view (physical death) I began to explore the ways we can choose to die and commit to doing so willingly.
DIE... To Self
Dying to self is one sure way to commit to dying effectively. What this means is putting the needs of Nigeria before our own personal gains. Always looking at the bigger picture and asking how our decisions, actions etc will affect the total wellbeing of the Nation. In carrying out our duties or going about our daily lives, we must put away the self centred attitude of thinking how this or that will affect us or whether it will pay us. When we learn not to consult our own ease, comfort, advantage or interest for the greater good of Nigeria, then are we ready to move this Nation forward.
DIE... An Example
Set yourself an example of the change you want to see. Remember, you don’t need a title to lead or become a leader. Leadership is the ability to accept responsibility to bring about a desired change or result. Lead and be seen to exemplify by your actions the way things should be done or the proper way to act. Become accountable by your actions, decisions and attitude. Die an example at work, on the road, in your interaction with others. Die an example for a better Nigeria.
DIE... To Serve
How can you effectively serve Nigeria?
What sector of the economy can you dedicate yourself in good service?
Teach and organise workshops to help improve our diverse sectors
Join or set up a targeted pressure/ interest group to monitor/observe within any sector.
DIE... In Accountability
There is a need to imbibe the mindset of accountability. We must determine to do things at the right time and in the right ways. In our various areas, we must showcase and expect from ourselves the character to be found accountable. Accountability is not a negative quality. An accountable individual is a person of sterling quality, a trustworthy individual. It is more beneficial to die in accountability than to pass on or conceal a fault.
DIE... In Obedience
We are a nation governed by rules and regulations. We must die in obedience upholding our constitution. When we don’t obey the basic laws and rules within our society, we create a chaotic environment for ourselves. Obey traffic rules. Queues are for order; they help get things done quickly. Quit the ‘do you know who I am’ attitude, whoever you are doesn’t exempt you from obedience. Do you demand obedience and respect from others? Then challenge yourself in obedience and respect for your country. Die in obedience to the rule of law.
DIE... To Sacrifice
Where can you help?
Who can you help?
Can you identify a need you can sacrifice to meet outside of yourself?
Can you help a family send a child to school? Or feed for a month?
How about putting the cost of yet another leisure trip towards empowering someone else?
Instead of buying that designer item in what ways can you put the money towards making a difference to someone’s life?
Who can your resources help?
DIE... To Solution
What needs to be done?
What problems can you solve?
Where can you lend your expertise?
Do you know someone who can be a solution and needs a door you can open?
Do you have the resources to help bring about a solution or solutions?
Become known as an effective solution for change.
DIE... Vocal
Dying vocal calls on us to speak up! To use our voices and make them heard. Technology has armed us with effective tools of communication. What is the point of a “Blackberry” broadcast coming a day later than it should have gone viral? Why do we keep quiet when we see things going wrong only to cry and moan when we experience the devastating effect of turning a blind eye? What difference it will make if people who see evil learn to speak up against it. Speak up! Send out a broadcast, tweet, tell someone, don’t keep quiet it can come back to bite you in the face. Die vocal based on truth!
DIE... Efficient
We must begin to inculcate the spirit of excellence in whatever we do. In our places of work as we carry out our duties, we should strive to die in the place of efficiency. How can you improve your influence areas? In what better ways can you work? Stop cutting corners; it takes away our right to die willingly. Use the right tools; don’t compromise on quality, keep to approved standards. Apply all checks; nothing should be left to chance. Inefficiency is a destructive attitude that erodes the life line of our Nation.
When we choose to die to self,
We take on the power to live against Corruption
When we choose to die an example,
We take on the power to live with Dignity
When we choose to die to serve,
We take on the power to live in Excellence
When we choose to die in accountability
We take on the power to live for Posterity
When we choose to die in obedience,
We take on the power to live for Greatness
When we choose to die to sacrifice,
We take on the power to live against Greed
When we choose to die to solution,
We take on the power to live in Prosperity
When we choose to die vocal,
We take on the power to live against Oppression
When we choose to die efficient,
We take on the power to live in Progress.
We are at a crucial stage in our nation where “dying to save Nigeria” should be the norm, embraced with understanding and commitment, not a concept to be feared, viewed with contempt or treated with cynicism.
When we demand of ourselves to die willingly,
We take on our powers to live as citizens of a great Nation.
In Memory of Adobi Thelma Mojekwu (46), Ijeoma Onyiuke (39) and the countless lives needlessly lost as our Nation groans for our manifestation!
Rest In Peace... your memories hold us accountable.
SPICY Chrysalis - Speak. Positively. to Inspire. and Cause. to Yield!
June 6th 2012
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